the story

The story.

How do I move on? 

Here we go:

The end of March came and Nate and I were pleasantly surprised to find out that we were pregnant!  I was pretty sick, and really tired.  I had appointments scheduled, and we began to plan for this little blessing.

May 1st was the beginning of the worst week I have experienced.  I was randomly called down to my principal’s office and was informed that I was not going to receive a 2nd contract here at Thoreau.  I was completely blindsided, and had no clue that they did not approve of my teaching style. After some serious tears, I started filling out applications to new districts that night, and prayed really hard. I felt very purposeless and a deep sense of failure.  

Then, on May 3rd things got worse. We had our first ultrasound and doctor's appointment. Nate and I were so excited to hear the heartbeat, but we knew that it could be difficult.  At the appointment, there was no heartbeat and the pregnancy status was unknown.  The doctor said that we needed to come back next week and double check.  Of course, Nate and I started googling, there was a lot of good and a lot of bad.  It was a very somber appointment. We were very scared and a little heartbroken. I knew that the Lord could and would make this heartbeat stronger if it was in his plan. We prayed and prayed for this baby.  Nate headed to work and then was sent home to be with me.  I am very thankful for the Seattle Police Department and the flexibility and sensitivity though this time.  I called my Mom, of course very upset and her and my dad decided to take a trip out here.  I spent the week begging God to make this good.  But, I was so afraid.  I was introduced to the song, Even If by Mercy Me. It became my prayer every night. I was also surrounded by prayer here at Thoreau. I am incredibly thankful for the friends here in Seattle that walked through this with me.  

We went to the doctor the next Wednesday, and the pregnancy was determined unviable. I was completely heartbroken. It was nice to have my parents waiting in the waiting room, to be there to support us.  After we were finished at the doctor, we took them to the airport, did some retail therapy, and went to the beach.  At the beach, I was able to just sit, cry and mourn our loss.  We had some decision to make as to what the next steps were going to be.  The ultrasounds determined that it was a triplet pregnancy and therefore, the doctor was afraid of hemorrhaging. Nate and I decided to wait a week and have a D&C procedure the following Friday.  The morning of the D&C I started to miscarry on my own.  Which was a blessing to know that we were doing the right thing, but was very painful.  We went to the appointment and were given the greatest nurses to help us through this process.  After the procedure, I felt a lot better. Nate and I spent the weekend together.  

Getting up, going to work, finding the good in each day was difficult.  I am extremely blessed to have the most amazing friends and family.  My husband deserves husband of the year.  I have not cooked a meal or cleaned anything for a very long time!  He has been so strong through the whole thing. He has given me confidence and encouraged me to keep applying to find God’s direction. He continued to speak truth, when all that was going through my head was how much of a failure I am.  

On May 31st, I got a call back from one of my interviews asking me to accept the position.  Next year, I will be a 5th grade teacher at King's Christian School.  It will be my first venture into private education, and I am really excited. I have always viewed my classroom as my mission field, and I am ecstatic to be able to share my faith with my students. I will be able to help the students grow in their faith and teach the WHOLE child. Kings is a smaller school with an incredible culture and community that I am so excited to join!

Between being nauseous and pregnant, to limited movement after the procedure, workouts have not happened. I thought that in June I would be ready to begin working out and eating healthy, but it has been really difficult to start up again.  I have not been making the best choices for my health either.  I have indulged in DQ blizzards and not thought twice about what I was putting in my body.  So, I am starting over.  That is the blessing that comes with being in this community.  We are always here for one another, and when we are ready to recommit we can. Today, Nate and I have planned to start with Day 1 of Sean Week on BOD!  I am excited and super nervous. I know that I am going to die.

Cheers to day 1 of getting back on track.