Forgiveness

I don't know if anyone is in the same boat as me... I really like to pretend I have everything all together.  I have my lesson plans done for my classroom,  I have food in the fridge, my bills are paid, and I even have money left over to buy Christmas presents this year! 

I also am really good at filling my time. Staying really busy at school grading papers, watching glorious hallmark movies, working out, or facebooking. I am really good at keeping just busy enough so I don't have enough time to spend with God.  I mean, by the time I finish watching my 3 dvrd shows or movies, I am too tired to talk with Jesus.  Jesus doesn't really want to hear from me.  I just bore him.  I am doing all right,  God knows I care about him.  I am a good person.  I haven't done anything super terrible lately...  These are all the thoughts that I have running through my mind at night or during the day to justify my actions. 

But the problem is... I know better.  I know that all God wants is some time with me. I went to a bible study this summer where creating time for God was one of the main topics. I mean really MaryChar... He is the One who loves me the most in the entire UNIVERSE, and I am a space nerd.  I know how big that is.

The thoughts that go through my brain surprise me sometimes.  The devil works in CRAZY ways.  The unkind thoughts, and judgements that I think surprise me.  I know I can be a much better person than my thoughts allow sometimes.  There is a blog out there....http://goodwomenproject.com... it calls me out.  It says HEY MARYCHAR,  YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE!  God cares just as much about the unkind words that come out of you mouth, and the curse words that you think in your brain as the poor soul who is doing drugs across town.  He caught me today. He caught me red handed... all caught up in My World...not giving Him the attention he deserves. 

He brought me straight to a Psalm of Forgiveness, Psalm 51. 

Psalm 51

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
   according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
   blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
   and cleanse me from my sin.

 ³ For I know my transgressions,
   and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
   and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
   and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
   sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
   you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

 ⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
   wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
   let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins
   and blot out all my iniquity.

 ¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

 ¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
   so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
   you who are God my Savior,
   and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
   and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
   you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is^[b] a broken spirit;
   a broken and contrite heart
   you, God, will not despise.

 ¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion,
   to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
   in burnt offerings offered whole;
   then bulls will be offered on your altar. 

Thank you Lord for not giving up on me.